Learning to smile
by mixthealphabet
Summary: AU. If Sasayan had been the first person to tell Ooshima, "You may dislike yourself, but I don't dislike you". Ooshima copes with crushing on a guy much higher in the school's social ladder and 1 inch shorter than her.


**Learning to smile** by Larissa

She thinks there has to be something wrong with her.

The concept is nothing new, of course, for Ooshima has had to deal with insecurities and self-hatred for years now. It started right after realizing how different from the others she'd _always_ been – how different she would always be – and things had evolved from that moment on, turning into this snow ball of anxiety that seems to stop her in her tracks every time the girl thinks about interacting with her colleagues.

High School is hard, but it was never _this_ hard.

In a way, it's her fault.

She shouldn't have stayed in school after hours last week, she shouldn't have taken that detour from the main path, specially when deep in thought. Ooshima had wandered through the grounds, distracted with the odd messages Yu-chan had been sending her the entire morning, only to find herself watching the baseball team's training exercises.  
She'd tried to run, after realizing where she'd ended up, but Sasahara-san had always been the kind of guy to notice what others didn't, to take the odd one out and turn them into part of the group.

That was just what he'd done, Ooshima supposed.

After a lot of fumbling with an explanation for her presence, she'd accepted to watch the rest of the training with him, deciding not to question why the boy wasn't needed among his teammates. She still remembered thinking, with a bit of admiration, that Sasahara-san was just that kind of guy, the kind people trusted to do the right thing, the kind that others just didn't doubt.

They had talked a lot, that afternoon; or he had talked a lot and Ooshima had nodded at the right moments, sitting by his side and trying to hide how surprised she truly was that he would actually lose practice only to chat with her.

The girl doesn't remember pronouncing the words, but she knows she must have said something about her feelings, because, in the next moment, Sasahara-san had kneeled in front of her, still all smiles, muttering the phrase that had marked the start of new beginnings and new problems in her life.

_"You may dislike yourself, but I don't dislike you, Ooshima-san."_

That was it. One sentence, full of kindness and a sort of confidence that she'd never seen before. One sentence was all it took for her to start falling for him.

And it sucks.

She's not complaining, don't get her wrong. Being in love is marvelous, in the sense that it makes her blood boil, and her chest bubble, and her fingers tingle. But love also hurts, for she is in love with him and he is in love with another.

It shouldn't be so obvious, but it is.

Ooshima looks at Sasahara-san as he laughs, throwing his head back and flushing with glee, so she also sees when his warm eyes lock with Natsume-san's. The other girl doesn't notice, too hyper with the company of flesh-and-bone friends to care for anything else, but it's there and it breaks Ooshima's heart, even if just a bit.

The brunette smiles in spite of it all, because these are her friends and she owes Sasahara-san for his words.

She refuses to feel bitter over how his face brightens when Natsume-san is around. Instead, she understands, she hopes he will have the luck she didn't. He deserves it, just as much as she did.

(She understands this now, that she deserves better, even if the insecurities are still there.)

Sasahara-san turns to her, smiling like he always does, and her heart clenches. He is shorter than her by an inch, he is popular and he is kind. She likes him for many reasons and maybe that is not enough, but it still hurts.

She will cope and she will move on. The girl has learned to do that, another thing he has taught her.

This thought brings a renewed joy to her smile.

* * *

I just really like the idea that Ooshima's love for Sasayan would translate into personal growth, because she is just that kind of girl. This was for the TnK ladies thingathon on Dreamwidth.


End file.
